Last Friday I turned 31 on the 31st. My golden birthday. For my 30th birthday I had to work all day and I had the flu. I didn’t feel like having a party or doing anything really. Before I got sick, my mom did take me to lunch with one of my best friends and her mom. We made it into a day with shopping and custom facials. It was perfect and very relaxing with lots of laughter. However, I didn’t have a party and I thought to myself that next year, I would do something really special for myself on my golden birthday.
We planned right after Christmas to travel to Kona, HI over my birthday. I was so excited! Unfortunately, life happened and because of work issues, we had to cancel our week and a half trip. Even though we had to cancel, I was hoping that maybe my husband and I would still be able to sneak away for a couple days over my birthday weekend.
Let’s take it back to the beginning of my birthday week…
I walk into work Monday morning and the very first thing I see is my mother-in-law’s 12 year old dog having a terrible seizure! It was traumatizing! Thankfully she was alright and I was able to go home early. It was a beautiful day (finally no rain) and I was about to take my dog for a walk when I received a call from my dermatologist. I found out I had Melanoma.
I went for a walk and while I was walking, I listed to a sermon. Cancer hadn’t yet really sunk in. I felt it wasn’t that big of a deal. Then, when I got home, it started to hit me. I noticed right away that I started feeling different stages of grief. I was angry that this was happening (especially right before my birthday). I was sad I let it happened. I felt depressed I was going to loose a chunk of meat off my leg. All these emotions started to overwhelm me, and I broke. The thought of having the flu on my 30th birthday, and now finding out I had skin cancer so close to my 31st birthday made me SO sad. I started bawling and couldn’t stop. Other things have been happening to test my self worth and some family issue arrised during this time, so to say the least, that Monday was a bit too much.
I finished the night, crying it all out, but I was determined that everything going on was not going to take away from my special day. I was reminded of Jeremiah 29:11-13, “‘For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart.'” God also showed me Psalms 46:1, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”
I know God has a plan and it is not for me to sit and worry and get depressed. No matter what life goes on, and I must take the time to enjoy it and live it.
Last week had its ups and downs. It has hit me though, I have skin cancer. I am so blessed and thankful they caught it early. I know that without a doubt it was the Lord who ordained catching it before it was too late. I went to my regular doctor for a referral for massage and she had asked me if I ever went to the dermatologist she referred me to. I said, “I don’t remember you referring me?” I told her that I did need a check up so she referred me and I went in a couple weeks later. They found a mole and did a biopsy and low and behold it was cancer. If my doctor hadn’t of brought it up I probably would have never gone in or I would have gone to the dermatologist too late. Therefore, I know God was orchestrating catching it at the early stages.
Thinking about this is terrifying and it can easily overwhelm you. Your mind is a powerful thing and when you let your thoughts run, it can start to consume you. I can see how people can easily become depressed, loose hope and are filled with worry. “What if they don’t get it all?” “What if they are wrong?” It can go on and on and on! I am determined not to let my mind and heart be filled with fear. God has brought me this far and He will continue to be there to the end. I have so much to be thankful for and I will not let the enemy take over my life with fear.
Even though my 31st birthday is not how I had thought it would go, it was still special as it was filled with family and friends. Life doesn’t always go as you plan but God always has a better plan and with that I am holding true to His promise 😉