I am all about being happy and feeling good. Life is short and you have to enjoy it! I try to eat well, I exercise regularly and I take medications only if there is no other option. The main reason why this is so important to me is because when I was a freshman in high school, I became anorexic.
I am the oldest of three. I have two younger brothers whom I love more than anything and I was definitely a perfectionist growing up. My dad was really verbally abusive growing up to all of us. And I just kept it deep inside trying to not let it affect me but I never felt good enough because I always did things the wrong way (in my dad’s eyes).
Middle school was so fun for me and I had a lot of friends but when I became a freshman everyone changed. I didn’t have any friends in classes, girls wouldn’t invite me over or even just to hang out. My parents were fighting a lot and I got really stressed out. I spent most of my lunch in the bathroom crying but one day in the middle of the year I decided to be brave and go find my friends from middle school during lunch. I found them, went and sat down and within 30 seconds everyone got up and left!
In my head I was like okay, I’m ugly. Maybe if I was skinnier I would be prettier and if I were prettier they would like me.
So I began cutting all but 5 grams of fat out my diet. And I started obsessing over fitness magazines and working out and then I learned about calories. I started obsessing over calories and started to measure all of my food. Every single thought of every single day I was thinking about food and fat and how I looked. It was terrible! So as soon as I lost about 5 lbs my mom took me to the doctor and the doctor told me I needed to gain weight. I was pissed and it didn’t matter, I kept losing weight. I got down to about 70lbs probably at my lowest weight. I should have died.
I was seeing my parents marriage counselor and he helped me to figure out why I became anorexic. It was to cope with all my loneliness and stress but I was still lost weight. At church one Sunday, a sermon really touched my heart and I old my mom and she said she felt something too. At this point my counselor was ready to put me in the hospital because I was so thin and not gaining any weight. I knew that if I was hospitalized I would die because I would have felt more alone. We decided to go see our pastor and when we went to see him all he wanted to do was pray for me. As soon as they began my mind and my heart did a 180 degree turn.
When you are anorexic there are two sides to you. One side that know what you are doing is wrong and that you need to get better but one side that says “no you are still not good enough”. When they prayed over me that good side took over and slowly but surely I started to get better.
I went to another counselor and I met a nutritionist who taught me how to eat again because at that point in my head food was the enemy and I has totally forgotten how everything worked. I slowly gained weight back to a healthy size. It took about a year and a half for me to fully get better.
Overcoming anorexia was was of the hardest things I have ever had to do but it was so worth the fight. I know how precious life is and you need to enjoy it. Life isn’t perfect and neither are you. Only Jesus is!
Not being too worried about what you look like is the key. Don’t become obsessed with comparing yourself to others or what they might think of you. Everybody has problems, don’t make them yours.